life moves so fast. it comes and goes every second, of every day. So many things have happened in the last year.
so many beautiful things. so many things changing.
so many things i have given up, and so many things that i have taken on board.
new dreams, old dreams, old friends, new friends.
but in essence, everything stays the same. i strive for living out loud. for living the life of my dreams.
“Darkness has its teachings.”
i have been around the world and back, and the most important thing that i have learned is that you can’t run away from yourself and whatever you carry inside. be in darkness, be it
i struggle to remain coherent in this changing environment. i struggle to find my voice and to find the will to carry on with something that used to bring me so much joy: writing.
there used to be a time when i dreamt i will be a writer some day, that i will write beautiful words, that i will move someone, that i will make a change with my art.
but i struggle with finding a motive for this blog, for my writing, for my creativity. but every now and again, i got that longing for pouring myself into the words. for sharing with the world.
for sitting down with my laptop, headphones in, and just creating something, lying my life down on here.
the hardest thing in life is to stay true to your soul. to listen to your voice from within and that gut feeling.
i’m struggling with restlessness, with even sitting down and writing this words. i struggle to write this damn 200 words on a blank page. and that hurts the most probably, because there used to be a time when all i wanted was to write and make a living out of my art.
but things have changed, as i have already said.
and a lot of things are going so good; some might say that i am really winning at life: i travelled for the first half of this year together with the love of my life, to places i didn’t even dream of. i live in a good home. i am able to read wonderful books (not as much as i would want to, but enough for now); i am working on goals, and i am healthy.
but my soul is craving the art. my soul is craving the loneliness and the excitement of the late nights with only my computer and music to soothe my craving for creating and creation.
and i will get there. i am coming back to myself and loosing myself in life, and finding myself with each day that passes.
because i have learnt that finding yourself is not as important as making a reality of the life that I dream of in my dreams; finding yourself is not as important as picking up the pieces at the end of every day, giving yourself a big hug and starting all over again with new-found hope.
and for now, i will sit back, enjoy as many sunsets as i can, take deep breaths of air, and do the best i can.
because doing the best i can is all i can give to the world for now.