2020. What a funny (or more like gruesome) turn of events. What a surprising turn of events.
It has been hard on all of us. So many lost the people they held dearly to their hearts. So many have lost jobs and careers and things that were grounding.
Some days it feels we have stepped on a Hollywood set and we are in a ‘disaster movie’ where anything that could go wrong is happening. Where the world is dying, the Earth is dying, and world as we knew it is about to end.
I go about my days going through the motions, feeling my emotions or rather, for most part, feeling overwhelmed by my emotions.
I think it’s hard not to feel overwhelmed. It’s hard not to feel anxious when you don’t know what is going to happen. When all the plans we all made are crumbling besides our eyes. When our futures are uncertain and we all trust politicians to make the right decisions for billions of people. That’s hard man. Hard to put your whole life and future in someone else’s hands.
Hard to watch the news and not feel terrified about what lies ahead. Life as we knew it it’s ending and a new way of life is beginning. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Things haven’t been going the right way for a very long time. But that doesn’t mean it’s not fucking terrifying. To wake up and not be able to see your loved ones.
For me, the idea of not being able to going to see my mum, who lives far away is terrifying. I don’t really allow myself to go there a lot, but what if something happens? Something really bad happens and I cannot be there with her. It’s fucking terrifying.
And I know, so many people will say we need to look on the bright side – what if everything will be alright? I get it, I do. We need to think positive.
But at the same time, we need to feel. We need to feel the angst, the fear, the worry, the sorrow.
It’s all good to think positive and plaster a smile on our faces. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years is that if you don’t allow yourself to feel your feelings, than your feelings will take control of you in ways you can’t imagine.
Bottling it all up is not answer. Plastering a smile on your face is not the answer. Of course HOPE it’s a big factor in moving forward with our lives, but allowing ourselves to feel is what will allow us to grow as human beings..
It’s what lets us return to ourselves and understand that maybe something had to really change, to prioritise and remember the important things.
Like Connection. Like Love. Like Down time. Like being Passionate about things. Live having a life outside work.
I feel a big shift of energy. I have been feeling it for the last few months. A shift that is reminding me that once upon a time, I wanted to live out loud. To laugh out loud. To create art. To think outside the box.
And right now, in this moment, all I want to do is to make space in my heart for that energy. To allow a new beginning. To allow myself to cry on my mat. To allow myself to feel the fear, the anxiety. To allow myself to dream higher. To open up.
I hope you can feel it too. I hope you dare to sit down with all your feelings and come out on the other side knowing yourselves a bit more. Knowing that our time here on this earth, in these bodies is limited. And we might as well do whatever the heck we can to make beautiful art. There is a plan.
I’ll end up leaving you with my Medicine, my music therapy. There was a time when I wanted to be on the road, the run free with the wolves, to share more of my story, and his creative energy got me through a lot of tough days. I hope it helps you.